Being the Big Gorilla
When we think of boxing matches, and what helps an opponent win or lose in the ring, most of us think of strength, speed, and agility. And these are all true. But as many professional boxers will tell you, a lot happens before the opponents even set foot in the arena, before the first punch is ever thrown. The way the fighters carry themselves, how impressive and intimidating they can make themselves appear to be, is also key.
Though you may not realize it, your subconscious mind is constantly scanning your surroundings as you move through your environment to glean the information you need to keep moving forward. Your eyes scan and assess potential obstacles, including other people in your way. To determine whether you need to modify your route to avoid them, you read their body language without even realizing it.
If they’re broadcasting a body language that says “you better move aside, baby” you will most likely pick it up and make way for them. Conversely, if you feel you’re the bigger gorilla, you’ll stay your course and expect them to deviate.
Right now, imagine a very large gorilla. A rival has just breached his territory, and the gorilla is furious. He goes charging through the jungle, reaches the top branch of the top tree, and there, wants to broadcast his presence to all around and intimidate the rival off his territory. What would he do? He’d likely inflate his chest and pound it with his fists—both these actions have the effect of making him look bigger. The pounding makes him loud and scary. That’s what a gorilla charging through the jungle wants to look like: big, loud, and scary. In human terms, we read confidence the same way: how much space people are willing to take up.
Says Deborah Gruenfeld, Organizational Behavior professor at Stanford business school, “Powerful people sit sideways on chairs, drape their arms over the back, or appropriate two chairs by placing an arm across the back of an adjacent chair. They put their feet on the desk. They sit on the desk”— all this, she says, as ways of claiming space.
The next time you’re out in a crowded environment, practice getting people to move aside for you. You could even do this on your way to work. First, visualize what a big gorilla would look like charging down the street. Then get into the body language. Imagine you’re a big gorilla about to go charging down the street and let your body express that. Take up as much space as you can! Inflate your chest and charge through the crowd. You might even swing your arms as you go, taking up yet more space.
When you first start trying out this confident body language, it can feel a little scary. But it’s well worth it. What’s the worst that can happen? You bump into someone. Use that as an opportunity to practice switching into ‘kindness charisma’ with a quick visualization to increase your warmth. Imagine the person you’ve just bumped into is a good friend or see them with angel wings.
Your job is to learn how to take up space and to get comfortable doing it.
TAKING UP SPACE - BEING THE BIG GORILLA
1. Make sure you can breathe comfortably.
2. Stand up, shake up your body.
3. Take a wide stance, and plant your feet firmly on the ground. Wide, stable stances help you both feel and project more confidence.
4. Stretch your arms to the ceiling, trying to touch the ceiling with your fingertips
5. Stretch your arms to the walls on either side, trying to touch the walls
6. Roll your shoulders up and then back
7. INFLATE. Try to take up as much space as possible, like a gorilla, doubling in size.
As Stanford’s Gruenfeld found, people who assume expansive poses (taking up more space) experience a measurable physiological shift: in one experiment, assertiveness- and energy- promoting hormones rose by 19 percent, while anxiety hormones fell by 25 percent.
Assuming a strong, confident physical posture will make you feel more confident and more powerful. As you feel more powerful, your body language adapts accordingly. This in turn gives you yet another biochemical boost, and the cycle builds upon itself. All you have to do is get the cycle going, and if you keep practicing, confident body language confidence will become second nature.
This was part of the toolkit I presented this morning at the Stanford Graduate School of Business for the Presence Initiative
